Middle of the River

I love analogies. I always have. Word pictures leave an impression on me and tend to stick with me.

From the moment my daughter, Emily, entered the world, I knew she possessed a completely antithetical personality to our quiet, steady firstborn. 

Her first scream was piercing and intense, a clear foreshadowing  of things to come. While she has matured in so many ways over her short span of seven years, “intense” is still very much a part of her genetic make-up. She plays intensely, she imagines intensely, she loves intensely, and she works intensely. 

Her daily demeanor is energetic and joyful–unless she is scared. When fear enters her little body, the concept of restraint or socially acceptable behaviors is nowhere near her cerebral cortex. Her fear will be known by anyone within an impressively large radius of her. She does not hold that fear inside of her little body. She lets it out in volcanic force. Sometimes, I joke that she “extroverts what I introvert.”

I am not as flamboyant with my fear. I keep it contained. Socially acceptable. I don’t like to feel “out of control.”  At least I can “control” my reactions in fearful situations, right? Nonetheless, when this internalized fear rears its ugly head, it can, at times, paralyze me from action. 

In Emily’s moments of overwhelm, I have developed a little “catch phrase” to help her laugh and help her to focus, which then allows me to talk with her about her fear in a helpful way.  I say to her, “Ems, come back to the middle of the river* with Mommy!” This is my way to encourage her away from the panic stemming from the rocks and the current often found near the edges of a river. An ever-so-slight grin will begin to emerge amidst the torrent of streaming tears. A bit of the fear on her face dissipates, her body slowly relaxes, and I am able to talk her through the overwhelming situation in the safety of a big bear hug. 

What do I do when fear puts me in a death grip or when I feel weighed down with the cares of this world? What’s a “controlled” girl supposed to do? External control of reactions is not equivalent to internal control or peace. “Holding it together” doesn’t bring my heart to a place of rest.  I need a place, not just to take those burdens, but to release those burdens. Jesus calls:

“Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you  rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”   Matthew 11:28

Rest for my soul? This is far different from external control or a “tightening of the figurative or literal muscles”  to help me “grin and bear” whatever difficult thing has surfaced in my life. It is release. Release of control. Release to the One Who brings comfort, the One Who wants to wrap me in the bear hug and watch the smile resurface on my face and the furrowed brow begin to soften. 

*The “middle of the river” concept is adapted from Whole Brain Child by Daniel Siegel