13 years of marriage today. The last several years have been full of challenges. In fact, some of the more recent years have been downright frightening at times. Interspersed throughout, however, have been sweet lessons and precious gifts that have shaped and changed us both. I am thankful to be married to a steady man who encourages my growth, and by His ardent commitment to studying God’s Word, challenges my thinking and makes me a better human. I am married to an “easily-contented” man, and this is because of Jesus. Thank you, Jon, for choosing me and sticking by me through all of the challenges. 

Shortly before we got married, I began struggling with chronic pain in my hips and legs. For the first few years of our marriage, it was a frustration, but I was able to continue teaching and still keep up with normal household things. Then it began to get worse and last for longer stretches at a time. I had children, and the pain just seemed to increase. After my fifth surgery over six years ago now, my adrenal system completely crashed, and the pain became completely debilitating for a time. A whole host of additional challenges bombarded my body as well.  As I have shared here before, the cause(s) could be from a severe neck injury that I experienced in college, chronic lyme disease, muscular imbalances from multiple abdominal surgeries, or some activation of some weird genetic mutations that I possess. No doctor has been able to “figure it all out” because all of these things could cause the symptoms that I experience.  Throughout this last year, while the awareness of its presence never completely leaves, I have been able to function “somewhat” normally above it. I do  always have to gauge myself and be very conscientious about where I put my energy so that I can show up well for my husband and children, which can be discouraging as I crave “normalcy.” Don’t we all right now, though, really?

 I come from a strong German “do it yourself” descent. Often, I have struggled with feeling that Jon should be disappointed with my physical limitations. i.e. “I am so sorry, Jon. This is not what you thought that you would be getting when you married me etc.”  His response has always been the same (because, if you know him at all, you know that that’s just the kind of guy he is). “Renee, God didn’t just place these limitations upon you, He also gave them to me, and God is good. I am a happy man.” He never changes his tune.

Throughout the years, when I have bemoaned my inability to go hiking and camping or other active things that I grew up doing, Jon has always responded with: “I never needed those things from you. I didn’t ever really envision anything specifically about  how marriage should look. I just wanted someone to sit next to me on the couch and discuss books and ideas. You have always been able to do that” (cue my tear duct activation). Did God make us for each other or what?

This year, God has returned some things to me that have brought me great delight. I started walking in my neighborhood this past fall, and I have gradually been building up some endurance. Throughout this quarantine time, I started increasing my distance and have walked 2.5 miles almost every day for the past few months. I had to take a break this week, because, well, I  may be experiencing some heat exhaustion. Oops. I got so delighted by the feeling of sweat dripping down my back as a direct result of physical exertion, that, as is my tendency, I overdid it a bit. The pain is not gone. It is still my ever-present companion. I am still unable to stand isolated for more than just a few minutes before the pain begins surging through my lower body with intensity. I still ask God daily to show me my “next steps” with hopes of regaining more function while begging Him to grant contentment in the present. 

As I look back at my story, there is one thing I know for sure. Jon, God made you for me. Some jokingly call you a robot, but I need a robot. You are so programmed to believe in God’s sovereignty and  goodness (I am certain this is a direct result of years of taking the time to personally fill your heart and mind with Scripture). You never waver even when the circumstances look incredibly bleak. Your constancy, optimism, and joy have helped me to face impossible obstacles.  Your loud singing in the kitchen while you cook or clean up dishes, albeit a little off-key at times, has warmed my heart time and time again. You have helped me to find freedom to praise Jesus without constraint as well. 

Thank you for sharing in my love of allegories and helping to remind me that I am on my very own “hero’s journey.” It will be completed one day. His purposes will be fulfilled in me. His promises are sure. 

Thanks for being the best companion, Jon. I love you. Happy Anniversary!